Early yesterday the interim International Olympic Committee (IOC) President, Craig Reedie was killed after being arrested on suspicion of involvement with the assassination of the previous IOC President, Thomas Bach.
After the allegations were revealed, Reedie was forcefully removed from his post at the joint IOC/Rio Olympic Committee headquarters. Upon arrival at the Bangu Penitentiary Complex, located on the outskirts of Brazil, Reedie was booked, strip searched, and had his beautiful locks forcibly shaved off.
A few hours after being placed in solitary confinement Reedie was found dead in his cell, his tongue, Yahoo! News is told, lolling out of his head.
Reedie was quickly moved to the prison’s morgue, and an autopsy concerning his death was ordered. Upon examination of the coroner's report it was revealed that an unidentified type of poison was used to kill the interim President.
Since Reedie was widely hated by all, it has been decided that his corpse will be buried in an unmarked grave in his native Great Britain, due to fears concerned with those who may deface his grave.
Reedie leaves behind a wife, two children, and many, many happy Olympic sports fans.