Xinhua
The People's Republic of China has recently requested additional manpower from the Chinese countryside in order to erect a 3,000 foot tall statue of Pele in the capital city of Beijing.
Although a seemingly odd display of religious fervor, Chinese interest in the religion centered around Pele, known as Peleism, can be easily explained. After observing the miracles of the Brazilian soccer god, the citizens of the People's Republic of China have chosen to abandon their tradition of atheism in favor of the newly founded state religion Peleism.
Within the last few months Pele, known to Peleists as “Our Lord and Savior,” has spent much of his time traveling the Chinese countryside, visiting communities, and speaking to the Chinese public.
In addition to the ardent Chinese support, Coca-Cola has also attempted to put their hat in the ring via a corporate sponsorship of Peleism.
“If we could work together to promote both of our interests, [we] could name Coke the official beverage of Peleism and we will publicly support our lord and savior Pele,” stated the CEO of Coca-Cola, Kent.
Upon this news, the People's Republic of China then recognized Coca-Cola as the metaphorical blood of their holy Pele.
The statue, which will be completed in the coming months, will feature a giant Pele, not unlike the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, with a giant football in his hand smiling for the masses.
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