Press Release - Coca-Cola Company

Despite the recently arisen schism in Peleism, Coca-Cola is staying strong with the original Church of Pele. And in response to the sponsorship of the Church of Latter Day Pele by Pepsi and Sofia Vergara, we would like to remind them that Coca-Cola is not only number one best selling soft drink internationally, but Diet Coke is also ranked higher than Pepsi. You might as well be settling for Shasta Cola at this point. But a budget, off-brand drink suits your off-brand religion.

-CEO of Coca-Cola Company

(PS- Ty Burrell says hi, Sofia, and as a representative of Minute Maid, to get better taste)

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